You know which one I mean. The one where you have to talk about who your kids would live with if you die. It sucks. It’s a moment where we have to face our own mortality and it’s enough to make many of us start to panic. It’s talking about worse case scenario stuff and it frightens us. Deep breaths, mama. It’s part of the process.
For those of us who have partners, this discussion can bring up all the truths. We might not want our kids to go with say our sister-in-law’s family, but our SIL might be on our partner’s list of people they trust. Then comes all the “whys.” “Why don’t you want to choose her, why do you want to choose that person, why don’t you like my list, why don’t you like my family…”And it’s really hard to hear the truth behind hesitations and reasoning when it comes to our kids and “last wishes.” Here is where I would lovingly recommend having a third party involved (like a therapist). It can help some couples prepare for the conversation by talking about it before hand a little at a time. Remember to acknowledge over and over that this is hard, that there are some of our most extreme emotions involved, and that there are going to be disagreements and differences that will need to be worked through.
Write down your thoughts before going into the conversation. Come up with a timeline/plan for when the discussion is going to happen and then make the heart and head space for it.