The holidays bring up a lot of feelings for many folks—some joyful, some challenging, and most of them overwhelming. There’s so much influence from the past and issues in the present. We’re pulled in many directions, encouraged to consume at a shocking rate, and our to-do lists get more and more impossible as the years go by.
So let’s change all that, starting this year…starting today!
This is the year we look at our EXPECTATIONS as we approach the holidays and the end of the year. Some of the stress we feel stems from expectations we have for ourselves…some of it is from the expectations of others. We’ll spend the month of December observing ourselves, our expectations, actions, needs, etc. to see what we can change to create less stress. We’ll practice daily self care and honor the need to rest during this hectic time. Let’s be honest with ourselves (and others!) about what we can and can’t accomplish, what we want the holidays to feel like, and maintain obtainable goals instead of spiraling.
First step: Choose your goals for the month. Pick one or more from the list below or create your own EXPECTATIONS goals.
Practice daily self care
Practice daily rest
Not go into unnecessary debt
Focus on love
Focus on togetherness
Focus on celebration
Set realistic expectations for myself
Set realistic expectations for events
Help my children keep realistic expectations
Foster a sense of magic
Do an honest evaluation of how we train our children’s expectation
Spend smarter
Say “yes” more
Say “no” more
Set healthy boundaries
Gift more books
Here’s the weekly breakdown for the EXPECTATIONS Guided Journal:
Week 1: Pump the Breaks
Week 2: Expectations & Others
Week 3: Appreciating What You Have
Week 4: The Spirit of the Season
STOP!
Gather your thoughts. Today’s goal is to stop, take a step back, and really look at what our goals are for the month of December, the holidays, and the end of 2018.
Make lists for yourself (as well as your family). Really identify every event you’ve been asked to attend, events you’re interested in, gifts you’re considering buying, meals you’re considering making, etc. …and then write the “why” next to each “what.”
Go into the holiday season with a clear plan of what you want to focus on this month. Having a clear vision will help align your actions with your goals and family values. It can also help you say “yes” or “no” without guilt. There’s so much freedom in clarity.
Every day this month we are going to practice self care as well as rest. Take time to take care of you every day during December. Also take the time to honor your need for rest—even if it’s simply 15 minutes of unplugged time where you simply focus on the moment. Record your daily self care and rest.
Self Care:
Rest:
Self Care
We read about it briefly yesterday, but today we’re focusing on self care. You cannot pour from an empty cup…especially at holiday time.
Have a daily self care plan in place to take care of your needs during this busy time of year. Write about what that looks like for you. Get really clear on what you need to do for you to make sure you’re not running on empty.
Some examples: making time for coffee or tea every day, taking time to read for pleasure, eating healthy foods, completing your workout despite extra activities, taking a walk, etc. Record it each day.
Self Care:
Rest:
Honest Evaluation
Take a look at your lists from Day 1. Look at your intentions, gifts lists, to dos, events, etc. and answer the following questions:
How much of it comes from the heart? Is any of it about greed? How much is obligation? How much of it is peer pressure? How much of it is the influence of our society? How much of it is attainable? Does anything from your lists feel unrealistic? Is there anything you could cut out? Do you expect to do it all? How do you think everyone in your family would feel if you did all of it? None of it? Some of it? Do you feel your lists are flexible or could be? Do you have a plan in mind for when/if illness or exhaustion comes along?
What’s motivating your list? Are you happy with that motivation or would you like to shift it? Write about it.
Self Care:
Rest:
Outside Influence
There are a LOT of opinions floating around out there about how the holidays are “supposed” to be, what they are “supposed” to look like, and what your role is in all of it. Today’s goal is to take an honest look at how much we are or aren’t influenced by others when making our December decisions—everything from gift buying to events.
This influence on our expectations can also come from television shows, commercials, advertisements, store displays, books, social media, etc. Expanding on yesterday’s prompt:
Take an honest look at outside influences in your life. What effects does it have on you? Do you feel pressure to buy more? Do more? Decorate more? Spend more? Does it turn you off and make you want to do less? What about obligations? Do you make decisions about where to be and when based on other people’s “supposed to” requests? Write about it.
* Bonus: If you could throw all these outside influences to the wayside, what would your perfect December look like?
Self care:
Rest:
Budget & Spending
Do you have a budget in place for this month? If so, why? If not, why? Are you easily swayed by sales? How much of your holiday spending is budgeted and how much is impulse buying?
How do you feel about your answers to those questions? Would you like that to change? Observing ourselves is very powerful. Awareness is the first step.
Make mindful spending a goal. Be honest about what you can afford so that you don’t overextend your family and carry debt into the New Year.
*Bonus: Pear down your gift list to accommodate your budget.
Self Care:
Rest:
Sugar & December
Those two things seem to go hand and hand, right? Sugar has a HUGE influence on our body, mood, immune system, and overall well being. Are you aware of your daily sugar intake? Are you aware of your children’s daily sugar intake?
There is a cookie at every turn during the month of December. Sugar is everywhere. So much so that the massive amounts of candy, treats, and alcohol available has become part of standing jokes about the holidays.
What if you took an honest look this year at your sugar intake on a daily basis? What if we made more of an effort to balance out the excess sugar with limits and nourishing foods? What if we pointed this out to our children and encouraged them to take a healthy look at how many nourishing foods we’re putting into our bodies vs. how many treats and how this influences our health?
Write down your thoughts about sugar as it relates to your family. Having a goal in mind will make the daily temptations (multiple times a day!) easier to handle with less guilt so that treats can truly be treats.
Self Care:
Rest:
Stress Check
Each week this month we’ll do a “stress check” to see how we’re feeling, what progress we’re making, etc. So check in with yourself today.
How are you doing? How are your stress levels? Take the time to do an honest evaluation of how you’re feeling physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Write about it. Note whether you feel the need to make changes.
Self Care:
Rest:
Training Our Children
We train our children’s expectations for everything—from gifts to get togethers to what breakfast is going to look like.
Today we’re looking at our influence on our children. What expectations are you modeling for your children this month? Take a look at your child’s expectations for this month. What do they expect this month? How much of that is your influence? Are you teaching your children to expect perfection or to let go of perfection? Write about it.
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Influence on our Children
Expanding on yesterday, how much of your children’s expectation are influenced by advertisement? Peer pressure? Tradition?
Do these have more effect than your influence as the parent? Do you feel these too influential? Do you see positive effects from advertisements and shows? Do you see negative effects? List specifics, including how you feel about your answers.
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Extended Family
Oh, family…this is a tricky topic because every family looks different. Some families get along great, others have tension. Some are toxic and others are entertaining. Challenges can arise when a family has the expectation that because we are family, that means we are all the same. The truth is, while traditions are important and bonds can be strong, families are made up of individuals and none of us are 100% alike.
Even if our family is balanced during the rest of the year, major holidays, traditions, and rituals can cause upset if the expectations surrounding them are not met.
What does your extended family expect of you during the holidays? Write it down.
Now write about how you feel about these expectations. Do you feel they are too much? Too little? Do they drive you crazy? Do you wish it looked different? Write it out. Be honest. And if it’s something that needs to be addressed, start to come up with a plan to address it.
* On the flip side, do YOU have expectations of your extended family? What are they? Do they meet them? Are they fair? Give it some thought and write it out.
Self Care:
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Healthy Boundaries
Take a look at yesterday’s list. Knowing that you can’t control others (their actions, opinions, or requests) but you CAN control your own…what can you do to set healthy boundaries with your family around holiday time?
What do you need to do for you and your immediate family to enjoy the holidays? Does that look like staying home? Celebrating on a different day? Switching up traditions to make way for modern needs in the chapter of life you’re in? What do you suspect their reactions will be to changes or new boundaries?
Now take a deep breath. You cannot control the reactions of others, nor do you need to take them on. What steps do you need to take to hold those boundaries and let go of others’ reactions?
Self Care:
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External Appearances
Do you care about what others think of you? Do you decorate for your family or for others? Do you do it out of love and celebration or does it sometimes feel like obligation and drudgery?
Societal pressures encourage us to make our home look like a photo from a home magazine. What can you do keep these types of pressures at bay? How can you bring the focus from what your home LOOKS like to what your home FEELS like? What can you do to stay true to your family’s values and goals instead of picture perfect ideals?
Self Care:
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Needs of Others
The needs of others are different than the requests of others. Requests look like invitations to dinners, expectations that you show up for certain events, that you participate in a gift exchange, etc. Today isn’t about requests. It’s about the basic needs of others—water, food, shelter, love.
Are there people in your life who are in need? Do you know of anyone who needs meals, extra help, or extra support? This can be someone you know personally or through an organization, church, or charity. Look around to see what basic needs of others need met. Write about what you can do to help and come up with a plan of action.
Self Care:
Rest:
Stress Check
How are you doing? How are your stress levels? Take the time to do an honest evaluation of how you’re feeling physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Write about it. Note whether you feel the need to make changes. It’s not too late to take a deep breath and pivot if you need to.
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The Little Things
Have you looked around today? Have you seen anything beautiful? Really looked at the details of decorations or spent time admiring a holiday craft your child made? Write about the little things you appreciate today.
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What You Have
Focusing on gratitude as we shift into the last half of the month can help us feel more grounded. Take some time to look around at what you do have—running water, opportunity, shelter, support, friendship, your children, etc. Today is all about gratitude for what you do have in your life. Make a list of what you are grateful for today.
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What You Give Away
Look around and see if there is anything you have in excess. Is there something you no longer need or use that could benefit someone else? In the spirit of generosity, what do you have that you could give away? Write about it…and then take action. This can look like anything from toys to time, canned goods to support.
Self Care:
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Be Gentle
Be gentle with yourself—your body, your health, your needs. Today is about a different type of self care…appreciating YOU! Show yourself some gratitude by taking extra care of YOU. Write about it.
* Bonus: Bring a little humor into your days! Lightheartedness can go a long way in being gentle with yourself and others. Write about ways you could bring more humor into the last few weeks of the year.
Self Care:
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Focus on Love
Love and connection are more important than “things.” What can you do to focus more on love and connection at this busy time of year? What can you do to remind yourself to focus on love and less on plans, things, purchases, and obligations?
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Compassion…
for yourself, your children, and others.
December is a stressful time of year. Do you have compassion for yourself during stressful times? Do you have compassion for your children (who also feel the stress & excess)? What about family, friends, and strangers in public? Write about it. Be sure to include ways you can show compassion and understanding.
Self Care:
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Stress Check
How are you doing? How are your stress levels? How are you sleeping? Are you enjoying anything? Are you exhausted? Do an honest evaluation and make changes as needed (yes, even this late in the game).
Self Care:
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Your Beliefs
How much of this month lines up with your religious beliefs or beliefs about life? Do you talk about your beliefs with your children? Are there specific stories, songs, or traditions that reflect your beliefs that you’ve shared? Write about it. Have you made time to share them?
Today’s goal: slow down and create the time and space to share these deeper meanings with your children. Write about it.
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The Gift of Experiences
Write about moments, outings, and experiences you had with your family this month that you really enjoyed. That could be today or a different day. Write about your experience with gratitude. Consider recapping with your children to let them know how special it was for you.
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The Gift of Time Together
Are you caught up in the bustle of the holidays? Are you able to step back and “just be” with your family today? Write about where you are on your expectations journey. Write about your time together, specifically looking at it through the lens of gratitude. If you’re not at your goals, write about what you could do right now to shift that.
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The Gift of Meaningful Meals
Time together sitting at the kitchen table can be precious. Holiday meals can be memorable and filled with old and new favorites. Today and every day we have the chance to connect over food as we sit down together to enjoy a nourishing meal.
Even if the holidays did not unfold as you hoped or prepared for, there is always the next meal to make it right. There is always the opportunity to come back to gratitude and appreciate that we have food to eat and time together to repair, laugh, pause…or one of the million other ways to connect over food.
Write about your meals today. What did you eat? Who were you with? Were they wrapped in tradition or were they new experiences? What were you grateful for?
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Enjoyment
We spent a whole month prepping for the holidays. Now time to sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor. Take time to simply enjoy all you have, all you’ve done, and all that others have done for you. Write about what you enjoyed most of the holidays.
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Appreciation
Coming back to gratitude, write about what you’re grateful for this month. Now that the chaos is starting to slow down, what can you appreciate on the other side?
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Perspective
Hindsight is 20/20. Look back over the month with this clearer vision. Write about how you have grown, what you did differently, what worked, what didn’t, and look at your self work through this lens.
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Thank You Day!
The first “bonus day” of every yayamamas Guided Journal is all about expressing gratitude! Take the time to call, text, write a card, or offer an in-person hug to someone today.
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All Year Long
Expectations are something we work on all year long, not just in December. What can you do to keep this in mind as the New Year approaches? How can you remember to look at the expectations of others and how/if they are influencing you? How can you remember to check your own expectations of others or situations? Brainstorm about how you will take this month’s lessons into next year.
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Happy New Year!
It’s the last day of 2018! Write about how you spent the day and what sentiments you’d like to take with you into 2019 (and which ones you’d like to leave behind). Has the daily self care and rest made a difference? Write about what you did to take care of yourself and rest—what worked, what didn’t, what you did, what you’d do again, what you’d skip, etc.
Self Care:
Rest: