Training Our Children
We train our children’s expectations for everything—from gifts to get togethers to what breakfast is going to look like.
Today we’re looking at our influence on our children. What expectations are you modeling for your children this month? Take a look at your child’s expectations for this month. What do they expect this month? How much of that is your influence? Are you teaching your children to expect perfection or to let go of perfection? Write about it.
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Influence on our Children
Expanding on yesterday, how much of your children’s expectation are influenced by advertisement? Peer pressure? Tradition?
Do these have more effect than your influence as the parent? Do you feel these too influential? Do you see positive effects from advertisements and shows? Do you see negative effects? List specifics, including how you feel about your answers.
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Extended Family
Oh, family…this is a tricky topic because every family looks different. Some families get along great, others have tension. Some are toxic and others are entertaining. Challenges can arise when a family has the expectation that because we are family, that means we are all the same. The truth is, while traditions are important and bonds can be strong, families are made up of individuals and none of us are 100% alike.
Even if our family is balanced during the rest of the year, major holidays, traditions, and rituals can cause upset if the expectations surrounding them are not met.
What does your extended family expect of you during the holidays? Write it down.
Now write about how you feel about these expectations. Do you feel they are too much? Too little? Do they drive you crazy? Do you wish it looked different? Write it out. Be honest. And if it’s something that needs to be addressed, start to come up with a plan to address it.
* On the flip side, do YOU have expectations of your extended family? What are they? Do they meet them? Are they fair? Give it some thought and write it out.
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Healthy Boundaries
Take a look at yesterday’s list. Knowing that you can’t control others (their actions, opinions, or requests) but you CAN control your own…what can you do to set healthy boundaries with your family around holiday time?
What do you need to do for you and your immediate family to enjoy the holidays? Does that look like staying home? Celebrating on a different day? Switching up traditions to make way for modern needs in the chapter of life you’re in? What do you suspect their reactions will be to changes or new boundaries?
Now take a deep breath. You cannot control the reactions of others, nor do you need to take them on. What steps do you need to take to hold those boundaries and let go of others’ reactions?
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External Appearances
Do you care about what others think of you? Do you decorate for your family or for others? Do you do it out of love and celebration or does it sometimes feel like obligation and drudgery?
Societal pressures encourage us to make our home look like a photo from a home magazine. What can you do keep these types of pressures at bay? How can you bring the focus from what your home LOOKS like to what your home FEELS like? What can you do to stay true to your family’s values and goals instead of picture perfect ideals?
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Needs of Others
The needs of others are different than the requests of others. Requests look like invitations to dinners, expectations that you show up for certain events, that you participate in a gift exchange, etc. Today isn’t about requests. It’s about the basic needs of others—water, food, shelter, love.
Are there people in your life who are in need? Do you know of anyone who needs meals, extra help, or extra support? This can be someone you know personally or through an organization, church, or charity. Look around to see what basic needs of others need met. Write about what you can do to help and come up with a plan of action.
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Stress Check
How are you doing? How are your stress levels? Take the time to do an honest evaluation of how you’re feeling physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Write about it. Note whether you feel the need to make changes. It’s not too late to take a deep breath and pivot if you need to.
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