I knew it was time to move forward with my vision for yayamamas when I found this post I’d written over two years ago. For two years I’ve been holding onto my dream of starting a blog. Wow. Now is definitely the time to put it out there. I re-discovered it while holding my squirmy third child (not present in this story-ha!) who is now 11 months old. My first thought after finding this post was: I’m still “That Mom.” Wow, can time fly and dreams grow. Thanks for being here on this journey with me. And thanks for being here on this long anticipated Day One. Warmest Aloha, Lori Beth
I’m “That Mom.”
The one showing up to the first music class at least ten minutes late—squirmy, non-listening toddler, bulky baby car seat, and giant bag weighing me down. You can’t miss us—it looks like we are moving in and we’ve brought all our stuff. I am attempting to sneak to the back, but instead we cause a scene. We are trying our best. And today our best looks like a mess…no one’s hair is brushed (thank heavens for mom buns and baby peach fuzz—we can almost get away with it). I forgot my breakfast smoothie on the counter so I’m hangry and going back and forth in my head about whether it is worth it to eat the gross toddler crackers in the bottom of my purse. Everyone lovingly scoots to the side to make room for us in the already tight circle. We all got the same email…welcome to music class, it will start on time, please be early as it is best for your child. As a person who has taught children’s classes, I understand this concept. As a working mom of a just turned two-year-old and a three-month-old, I have a hard time putting it into practical practice. I try. I try so, so hard.
The mom I was trying to be this morning was the one who is dressed up for the work I have to go to after class—proving to herself, her husband, and the world that I can “do it all.” My intention was to show up early to tell my friends who are teaching the class that I’m proud of them. Instead I’m left feeling like I ruined their efforts. I feel bad. I have a hard time allowing myself to get into the lesson at first, but eventually fall into the beat of the drumming. We don’t stand out anymore thanks to the noise that is blessedly louder than us.
The whole drive over (which took 20 minutes longer than I planned on top of leaving 7 minutes late), I kept telling myself. This is just where we are. You are only two weeks back to work. You’ve only been a mom of two for 3 months. You are in transition. No one expects you to have it all together. I argued that they do, that I should. But instead, something somewhere in me was begging to give myself a break, cut myself some slack, and take a deep breath—for the safety and sanity of my family.
The truth of where we are is…My oldest daughter can be shy in class settings: showing up early may or may not make a difference in the first class. I am a working mom with a new baby: it will take a while to find a groove and that’s okay. I am driving my whole world in a car: it is better to show up late than to try to race to be on time when simple math shows me we are going to be late anyway. Apologies are a normal part of life: I can tell my friends I am proud of them after class and also say I’m sorry if our tardiness was disruptive, and mean it. I don’t need to attach unnecessary shame to it. My priorities are my children: I need to choose what is best for them in the moment. And I can and I do, regardless of what that looks like to the outside world.
This blog will be about finding the balance in all of it. Working, motherhood, marriage, parenting choices, developmental stages—what’s working (what’s not), what we’re reading, what we’re using, what we’re doing to make our everyday life healthier and happier. I want all moms to know that there are other moms out there who understand where you are. This blog serves as a virtual way for me to reach out to so many who need to hear, “Look at you! You’re doing it! We’re doing it! Keep up the good, important, purpose-full work.”
I understand. I see you…right where you are.