Date Night

Dear yayas,

My husband and I are stuck in a dating rut. We haven’t gone out on a date for at least 6 months. We’re tired all the time and low on funds, so we can’t do anything too over the top. I want to “spice things up,” but honestly don’t remember how to do my hair any other way than in a messy mom bun. I’m too exhausted to feel sexy. We’ll probably just go out and talk about the kids anyway, right? I’m getting the vibe that he wants to go out, but I’m out of ideas. Help!

– Stuck in a Rut

Hiya Stuck in a Rut, I have been there. Dating can be tough once you’re married with kids. It’s so worth it the times you can get out though. We honestly only get out 3 or 4 times a year. Paying a sitter can cost what our night out does (or sometimes more) so often, we have to have our dates at home. I find that really just the time to talk and connect is what is so important for us. At this stage of life, there aren’t going to be date nights every weekend and you won’t feel like getting all gussied up every night for dinner. That’s ok. Watch a movie after the kids are in bed-make a little picnic on the floor. Play a few hands of cards and pop popcorn on the stove together. Sit on the porch and count the stars one night. Just make time for each other. Do something special for your spouse. Do something special for yourself. It’s worth it. – Cortney

Dear Stuck, I’ve been there! The good news is, if you’ve been doing mom bun for a while, it will be easy to make a statement just by letting your hair down–instant change. Throw on that dress you have in the back of your closet, pick his favorite type of food, schedule a sitter, and just go out for a quick bite at a nearby restaurant! It doesn’t have to be expensive to be fun. The element of surprise could work to “spice things up” in the every day craziness that is having young kids. If you’re looking for a free date, drop the kids off with a friend after dinner so the two of you can go and watch the sunset or go for a walk in the park, or look up a free community event (art show, concert in the park, etc). I know the exhaustion level and tight budget that is having kids. I’ve never regretted going out with my husband, even when I was super tired. I try to keep that in mind as motivation to follow through with a date night plan when I’m just not ‘feeling it.’ Check out my article on why you need date night for some motivation. My advice: just go! Have fun on your date! Aloha, Lori Beth

In my experience, I’ve found simply setting aside the time to be together, one-on-one, is really what matters the most about date night. If you feel like you want to get dressed up and go some place nice, do that! If that feels like more work than fun, then tune in to what makes you feel happy and do more of that. When you give yourself the freedom to do what you want to do, instead of what others may stereotype as a typical “date night,” you’ll find your own fun and see where that takes you! – Diana

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